The Joke's on Me
Quick story before bed here and then a plea for your help....
Today I get in to the locker room after a long day of practice and shagging and find my name is on the whiteboard outside our equipment manager's office. That means one thing: Christmas in spring! I've recently signed with an agent and it's really a cool experience. You get to the field, your name is on the board, and you go pick up brand new cleats or turfs or a glove with your name on it.
In an effort to recycle more and keep the clubhouse trash cans less cluttered, our equipment manager has instated a new rule. When you receive a package in the mail, you no longer find it in your locker, you now go to the office to pick it up. The clubbie then opens it in front of you, gives you the goods, and then puts the packaging in a big pile to later recycle.
Today I walked up to the office to find a box about the size of a blender with a Rawlings logo on it. A glove! As the clubbie opens the package, I'm giddy with excitement and decide to make a joke. Just as he's cutting through the last inch of tape with his box cutters, he starts to slide the glove out. I pretend to be able to see the form of the glove despite the fact it's still down in the box and say with a grin so he knows I'm only kidding, "Ah man, but I'm left handed."
Instead, he just looks at me and says, "No, this is lefty, you're good."
Sure enough, the beautiful Rawlings Heart of the Hide leather that forms a softly caressing pocket is bordered by the wrong thumb. At this point I was in the awkward position of explaining to the clubbie I was kidding, I'm actually Righty. I assumed it would be a right-handed throw mitt so it would be a funny joke, but instead...the jokes on me.
Speaking of jokes, I have been assigned the task of telling a joke to the pitchers in our work group every weekday morning. Unfortunately, a left handed reliever in our group (who happens to be much funnier than me) has been assigned to the weekends. At the pace of 5 jokes per week, I'm going to run out of material by the time the Dominican is out of the WBC. Huh? What's that? The Netherlands. Ha, yeah, good one. Twice? Funny, well that's a start, but seriously I need some other jokes. Please email any jokes to jokes@discohayes.com and I'm serious, I am not joking. The longer ones work best. And don't worry about keeping 'em clean either, trust me, no one will be offended. Oh, and if it's a good one and I use it, I'll let you know how it goes.
Today I get in to the locker room after a long day of practice and shagging and find my name is on the whiteboard outside our equipment manager's office. That means one thing: Christmas in spring! I've recently signed with an agent and it's really a cool experience. You get to the field, your name is on the board, and you go pick up brand new cleats or turfs or a glove with your name on it.
In an effort to recycle more and keep the clubhouse trash cans less cluttered, our equipment manager has instated a new rule. When you receive a package in the mail, you no longer find it in your locker, you now go to the office to pick it up. The clubbie then opens it in front of you, gives you the goods, and then puts the packaging in a big pile to later recycle.
Today I walked up to the office to find a box about the size of a blender with a Rawlings logo on it. A glove! As the clubbie opens the package, I'm giddy with excitement and decide to make a joke. Just as he's cutting through the last inch of tape with his box cutters, he starts to slide the glove out. I pretend to be able to see the form of the glove despite the fact it's still down in the box and say with a grin so he knows I'm only kidding, "Ah man, but I'm left handed."
Instead, he just looks at me and says, "No, this is lefty, you're good."
Sure enough, the beautiful Rawlings Heart of the Hide leather that forms a softly caressing pocket is bordered by the wrong thumb. At this point I was in the awkward position of explaining to the clubbie I was kidding, I'm actually Righty. I assumed it would be a right-handed throw mitt so it would be a funny joke, but instead...the jokes on me.
Speaking of jokes, I have been assigned the task of telling a joke to the pitchers in our work group every weekday morning. Unfortunately, a left handed reliever in our group (who happens to be much funnier than me) has been assigned to the weekends. At the pace of 5 jokes per week, I'm going to run out of material by the time the Dominican is out of the WBC. Huh? What's that? The Netherlands. Ha, yeah, good one. Twice? Funny, well that's a start, but seriously I need some other jokes. Please email any jokes to jokes@discohayes.com and I'm serious, I am not joking. The longer ones work best. And don't worry about keeping 'em clean either, trust me, no one will be offended. Oh, and if it's a good one and I use it, I'll let you know how it goes.
Okay - I'll find some jokes and send them along!
Julia
http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/
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I'm not funny enough to help you with your joke-telling duties, but I sent this link along to my readers, so hopefully they can be more helpful.
Who's the weekend joke-teller?
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Ever thought about switch throwing? hehehe. Thanks for sharing, Disco!
--Jeff
http://redstatebluestate.mlblogs.com/
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Two peanuts went for a walk in Central Park.
One of them was as-salt-ed.
*drum roll*
Thanks, I'll be here all week.
http://www.metsgrrl.com
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A fellow computer science major! Though alas, I went the route of the CS career and have to settle for being a baseball fan, not player... oh well. Welcome to MLBlogs! And best of luck with the glove situation. ;) If I think of any jokes, I'll send them along...
http://ledzeb99.mlblogs.com
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Although not that funny...Juan Pierre's contract is a joke.
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Oh no - I hope you're able to get the "right" glove! haha. I hope you're able to find a bunch of jokes!
http://kaybee.mlblogs.com
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Guy's walking along the beach, finds a bottle. Picks up the bottle, naturally a genie pops out. Genie's got an attitude, "look dude been popping out of this thing for years now, sick of the granting 3 wishes thing - you get one wish." Guy thinks for a minute, "you know, I've always wanted to have access to vehicle travel to Hawaii. Make me a bridge from here to Hawaii." Genie is astonished. "Gee, that's brilliant Einstein. Any idea how much concrete that's going to take? The manpower? How are we going to get the support beams all the way to the ocean floor? The paint along for the stripes will take weeks to do. No no no, you can come up with something better than that." Guy thinks for a minute. "You know," he says, "my ex-wife said I was inconsiderate, egotistical, unemotional, didn't listen and that I was incapable of loving her like she deserved to be loved. I want to know what makes women tick. Why do they think the way they do? What makes them so emotional. I want to know everything." The genie says, "you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
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Most of my best jokes depend on the delivery (next time I see you, ask me to tell the one about the dog sports fan in the bar) but here's one that might work ...
A piece of string walks into a bar.
The bartender says "I'm sorry but you'll have to leave, we don't serve pieces of string in here."
The piece of string goes outside, roughs himself up and curls up then goes back into the bar.
"Hey," says the bartender. "Aren't you that piece of string that was just in here?"
"No," says the string, "I'm a frayed not."
Ba dum bum. Seriously, the dog joke is better.
http://www.gotmilb.com
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