About Disco Hayes

I wrote this blog during my time in the Arizona Fall League in 2008. Somehow it was a hit. I’ve been asked by mlblogs to blog throughout the season. My goal is for the blog to get more hits than the batters I face this season. So it’s on me to either write some entertaining stuff or to dominate this year. Either way, it should be a fun season for all!

UPDATE (5/21/2009):

People by the twos and threes have been asking me to update my Bio. They plead for me to write some stuff here so when they send a friend a link to my blog, they don’t have to go through the “trouble” of introducing me. Here’s what I have to say to my lazy fans. If Marisa Miller walks into your house as your guest, you aren’t gonna make her put on a name tag with a quick bio so people know who she is. You’re going to say, “Hey guys, this is my friend Marisa. She’s a super model and is famous from countless other mediums of entertainment as well. We didn’t make her a name tag because it was no trouble for me to introduce her because she is FAMOUS. And hot.”

Fine, I’m not famous, nor am I hot, so I digress…

I was never a very good baseball player, but I always enjoyed the game. I was a walk-on in college and played back-up shortstop and catcher until my senior year when I started pitching. I went un-drafted out of college (Northwestern class of ‘2005) and played a year of independent baseball for the Windy City Thunderbolts (who used to exist and may or may not continue to do so). After that charade, I played winter ball in Colombia in a town called Sincelejo. I survived and returned to the states to attend numerous tryouts for organized baseball. After being turned down by a few organizations, I attended an open tryout for the Royals in February of 2006 and they signed me the next day (March of 2006…no leap year that year). I spent two years in Low-A Burlington, IA (once a Bee, twice a Bee) and then the next year went to Double-A Northwest Arkansas. I split last year between the Texas league and in Triple-A Omaha in the Pacific Coast league. If you’ve found my blog, you can probably find my stats on your own if you are that interested.

I hope to be seen on TV pitching more often than I’m found online blogging, but I enjoy passing the time by sharing some stories along the way.

On the non-baseball side of things, I grew up in Chicago and went to Northwestern University. People seem to like that fact. “Ohhhhh, he’s smart too!” I was a Computer Science AND I double-majored in Economics with a minor in Psychology! I got a perfect 800 on my math SATs. Huge nerd over here. Has the bidding begun for my sperm yet? No? Alright, I was a national Chess Champion in Elementary school. That doing it for you? I was the president of the National Honor Society in High School. My wife and I run a small business designing and implementing web sites for small companies and family. I enjoy cooking and know what a cruet, mandolin, and a valance are (ha, tricked you, a valance has nothing to do with the kitchen, unless it’s over the curtains on the window). Another thing you would have absolutely no way of knowing about me is I show brilliant flashes of hilarity and wit on occasion. But just on occasion. Oh, and I have a job title of “Professional Athlete”.

Well, kind of. I’m a pitcher. And an awkward one at that as you see, I throw submarine style. At least I have an amazing arm, you’d think, right? Bad news here, kids, they call me Disco because I throw in the 70s. That’s right, I’ve only thrown two pitches this year over 80mph. Let’s see, what else would you want to know about my genes? If hair on the back of your neck made you cool, I’d be Antarctica (and not in the global warming, ice caps melting sense, rather in the sense it’s probably really cold/cool down there, you with me?). I have to shave it about twice a week, but probably only do it once a week. My grandfather was born with 12 fingers, but I believe genetically I’m not a carrier of polydactylism because I would have had to be born with 12 fingers and to my knowledge, I wasn’t. I should have ended this Bio nonsense sentences ago…this is all unraveling before our eyes (mine are a greenish blue, btw). My wisdom teeth fit so I still have them (genetically, a plus), though despite them coming in, I still had a bit of a gap in my front teeth (genetically, a minus) which has since been closed by a retainer. I am pretty much tone deaf, have horrible handwriting, and can draw about as well now as I did at age four. I didn’t learn to walk until I was two and couldn’t read until almost seven. I tend to get motion sickness and do not enjoy roller coasters due to said motion sickness and a tendency for vertigo. I was very susceptible to ear infections growing up. My forehead is easily a fivehead and I’ve been told I have a face for blogging.

I should not have obliged and written a Bio. But no! Thanks to your request for a Bio, I’ve completely talked myself out of sperm donation. Hope you’re all happy. On the bright side, at least I know my perfectly gorgeous and amazing wife is. That’s right ladies, sadly for you, I’m off the market. The lucky lady’s name is Tracy, but she also goes by Mrs. Disco and you’ll probably meet her soon if you haven’t already. Her Bio is more impressive than mine. Don’t go looking for her eggs, though, I will hunt you down, but here’s her stats anyway. She’s a Yoga and Pilates instructor (that’s how we met…kudos to me) who is also a Northwestern Graduate with a degree in Linguistics and Cognitive Science. She has been to 29 countries and from her travels has become an avid kite surfer. She’s successfully run her own business for years, has taught Yoga for the Royals in spring training, has been featured in magazines and on TV, has worked for a top consulting firm and her 40 yard dash time has been consistently sub 4.6 seconds. Though we are genetically prone to breed super humans, we have yet to take the plunge to procreation (notwithstanding the occasional practice) and will hold off until it’s just unfair to confine these genes to our own jeans any longer. We hope you enjoy the stories of our summer from the different perspectives as much as we enjoy experiencing them first hand.

Enough already, back to what I do second best…blogging.