Dear Mr. Hayes,

I am new to learning anything about baseball. I have a person named Ryan M. B. who just graduated High School here in Arlington Texas. He is going to Texas Tech in Lubbock, I believe to better himself with the game. He is a true lover of the sport I am being told & shown. I believe he will indeed make something of himself in a career that will lead to the major leagues.

This is how I stumbled onto your blog. Not knowing anything about the order of things in baseball I figured that minor comes before major. So I feel that Ryan would do minor first the reason I followed it & found you. I would like to know how all this works. If Ryan is doing baseball as a study at TTU and is good at it what happens next up to how someone gets to the Major leagues? Would you know how to find the information on all the steps? I am curious to find out how a person makes it to the major leagues. If I know more I might be able to assist him  somehow along the way.

One thing I might be able to help you with in your game ability. Your nickname & the type of song style you are seeking. First of all what you are focusing on is a ‘Disco type of music’, you got this title as well from the speed of your throwing capabilities. What I believe you need to improve your skills is a different type of music & drop the ‘Disco’ from your name. You will be whatever you focus on.

You need a more power driven type of music. One that is energetic based, more speed. I have just the music style I believe that you need. If you listen & focus on all this, I believe you will indeed improve your skill. I am enclosing some music by a band called, ‘Volbeat’ that are from Denmark. A uniqueness in power driven, smoothness & style.

Tell your fans & others that you are officially dropping ‘Disco’ from your name & stop using it. That is unless you are happy where you are. Plus you will get that ‘Chick’ off your back, I believe she calls herself,’Lady Gaga‘. I doubt if she can compete with Volbeat’s music. I have never heard her personally, I do hear that she has a bad taste in fashion though.

Take Care & Blessings,
Janette S., Arlington, TX

Janette,
Jeg er ny på den måde, du taler. Jeg har konkluderet, at du har skrevet noget på et fremmed sprog og oversat det til engelsk for at sende til mig. Sikke en fornøjelse for mig! Jeg føler mig beæret over at have fans fra hele verden, selv om det betyder kun, Texas. Jeg havde aldrig hørt om VOLBEAT, så jeg gjorde en hurtig Wikipedia-søgning og fundet det er et dansk rock band, der fik det navn fra “Vol” stående for “bind” og “Beat” stående for “Beat”. Åh, disse vanskelige dansk. Så I’m guessing du er dansk og så jeg håber du er Værdistigningen det sjove ved at have mig svare dig på dit modersmål, selv om det kan være brudt i oversættelse en smule.

Jeg researchede VOLBEAT, men jeg har ikke hørt nogen af deres sange endnu. Jeg har en fornemmelse jeg må stick med Disco stuff, i det mindste for nu, selv om. I beg i halvfjerdserne er en sætning, ikke mange mennesker kan sige, selvom jeg er sikker på, at de fleste af VOLBEAT’s lyrics er temmelig svært at sige, også. Med hensyn til din bemærkning om “du er hvad du fokuserer på” Jeg er helt enig, og jeg er en dominerende Pitcher grund af præcis hvordan jeg kast. Jeg takker Dem for Deres tips og overvejelse.

Jeg ønsker din ven Ryan de bedste på Texas Tech. Det er en god skole for at studere baseball, så han er på rette vej.

De vigtigste for ham vil være at spille godt i college og derefter håber spejdere vil kunne lide ham og ønsker at udkastet til ham. Mere end noget, jeg vil fortælle ham at falde helt kæmpe bomber og forsøger at kaste langt over hundred miles i timen. Jeg tror i kilometer, der er over hundrede og tres. Hvis han ikke gør nogen af disse to, han bare har at være virkelig konsekvent og udbudt gode numre. Som freshman, fortælle ham, at bare arbejde virkelig hårdt og komme i virkelig god form, så en Sophomore og Junior han vil være stærk og klar til at klare sig godt. Når han kommer i kontakt med spejdere, de normalt har spillere udfylder oplysninger pakker så de organisationer vide noget om ham. De er ofte spørge ting som, hvor mange penge, han ønsker at underskrive for, og selvom jeg aldrig oplevet dette, eller har jeg haft råd til det, blot i form af forhandlingstaktikker vil jeg anbefale forlader disse ting tomt. Det ser ud til en ung knægt med stor spænding at få underskrevet vil sandsynligvis sige noget, og måske give de organisationer, alt for meget information. Gøre dem svede det ud og lad dem tilbyde noget først.

Når han gør få underskrevet, er det en lang vej til at komme til de store ligaer. Jeg skriver en bog om det, og meget af min blog taler om det, så hvis du holder læser her, kan det være nyttigt. Din ven har i mindst tre år, indtil han kan få udarbejdet, så min bog vil være ude af derefter, og det bør kaste ganske lidt lys over processen.

Jeg håber, at dette hjælper, og du deler min blogs med dine danske venner.

Godspeed,
Diskotek ^[1]

Hey Disco,
I’m from the Omaha area originally, and now reside in Florida. Could I mail you an item to have you autograph it for me?
Sincerely,
Cord C., Port Charlotte, FL

Cord, this seems silly to respond on my blog, but I’ve tried a number of times via email to reply to you, and I keep getting “Return to Sender”.  Perhaps this is better, because other people may have the same question, so I’ll answer publicly:

Rosenblatt Stadium attn: Disco Hayes
1202 Bert Murphy Ave.
Omaha, NE 68107

Feel free to send anything with a self-addressed, stamped return envelope and I will sign it and put it in the mail for the next day.  This happens on a daily basis in the clubhouse, though I have only had the honor of signing two things in such a way (both to the same guy in Florida on consecutive years).  I would be thrilled to sign something, so send away!  Again, Cord, sorry my previous emails didn’t go through, so I hope you’re checking back to read the blog.

In ancient times (roughly 1979), a fellow with a rather odd, underhanded delivery, also given to bouts of wit, was promoted from Omaha to Kansas City.  He drank coffee in the bullpen until the eighth inning, came into games throwing baseballs rarely touching 80 miles per hour in velocity, yet somehow persuaded real athletes to beat their bats into plowshares and the ball into the ground, where Frank White, U.L. Washington and various firstbasemen cooperated to turn doubleplays, upsetting the sense of fair play and providing the Royals Baseball Club with two pennants and one World Championship.  For years now, masochistic Royals fans such as myself have wandered in the desert, listening on our radios as people with names like [Censored] made a mess of things. We have been waiting for “THE ONE”.  I really don’t care about all this “Disco” nonsense.  Ever since I heard about
your promotion and modus operandi, I’ve been wanting to watch you in action.  That other fellow was 26 when he was promoted from Omaha to KC.  I hope history repeats itself.  I prefer to call you “Chrisenberry.”

Suitcase ^[2]

Suitcase,
For as much crap I have thrown on you and made you carry my baggage for me all these years, I feel it is the least I can do to change my name for you.  I’ll take out that little cardboard label in the “American Tourister” tag and change my name to Chrisenberry.  I should probably update my address from the house I moved out of eight years ago, too.

When I make it to KC and we get two pennants and a World Championship, you can call me “Carry On” if you’d like for all I care.  You just may have to go around the luggage carousel a few extra times because I doubt I will catch on right away that the bag passing by shouting, “Carry On,” is calling for me.  I’ll be used to “Chrisenberry”.

Dear Disco,
I am also a little annoyed you didn’t give me a “shout out” as the person who got your blog put up on The Big Lead.  Just as your wife was about the Lady Gaga song.
Jeff W., Omaha, NE

Jeff, I have a number of bones to pick with you here.  First, leave the sentence fragments to me.  That’s my job.  Secondly, I’m surprised you’re selfish enough to try to take some of the credit away from me for being such a big hit on The Big Lead.  After all, the point of this blog is to give credit to me.

Was I aware you were the one who got me on The Big Lead in the first place? ^[3]  And what has The Big Lead done for me anyway? ^[4]  I mean, you asking to be shamelessly promoted on my blog is like me begging to get back on The Big Lead by continuing to link to it from my blog.  But why would I even want to be on their site anyway? ^[4]

If I had known ^[3] you were involved in the exposure to The Big Lead ^[4], I would have been more than happy to give you props as I did with Chris M on my awesome Twitter background design and will do in weeks to come when web developer Dan P. from Austin, TX may help me with some poll ideas for the blog.  But I had no idea you were involved ^[3] and that’s why I didn’t give you any credit for my blog becoming insanely more popular than ever before on one particular day. ^[4]

So, if you want to get full credit for submitting my blog to The Big Lead, IF you claim you already have once ^[3], perhaps you can do it “again” ^[3], even though we all know you never did ^[3], and though any increase in ratings ^[4] will obviously come, not due to the exposure ^[4], but rather due to pure chance ^[4] or just a particularly funny day ^[4] on the blog.

But seriously, thanks for submitting, and any time anyone wants to help make me more famous, I’ll be happy to give you props at the bottom of a post most people gave up reading half way through.

So, thanks Jeff, keep up the good work.  You are now the proud owner of a lifetime VIP pass to the “Discotheque”.  Any other readers out there doing work to broaden my fame?  Email me and I’ll probably forget about you too.  But the thousands of fans and future dollars you bring in for me will never be forgotten (unless they, in turn, do something nice and email me about it).

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